Wonka Event Leaves Children in Tears

It was billed as a “celebration of chocolate in all its delightful forms” but ended up a tragic tale worthy of an Oompa-Loompa song.

Last weekend, organizers of what was described as a “Willy Wonka Experience” in Scotland duped unsuspecting parents into bringing their kids to a truly dismal event.

The $44-a-ticket experience turned out to fall well short of the advertised “immersive experience” based on the recent Warner Bros. film.

The event publicity promised giant mushrooms, candy canes and chocolate fountains, along with special audio and visual effects, all narrated by dancing Oompa.

Instead, guests were met with cheap-looking props sparsely populating a dirty warehouse near downtown Glasgow.

And as more details come to light, the more the event’s failure sounds inextricably tied to AI. In fact, insiders are now saying, even the scripts for the character actors were AI-generated.

Local actor and comedian Paul Connell explained on TikTok how he was hired to be one of the three — not just one — Willy Wonkas tasked to entertain children at the event.

“Instead of getting Timothée Chalamet,” Connell said, referring to the actor who recently starred in a movie adaptation “Wonka,” “they got Timothée Charlatan.”

Connell says his script appeared to be made up “pretty much of AI-generated gibberish,” he said in his video.

“One of my favorite lines was, ‘There is a man who lives here, his name is not known so we call him the Unknown,'” he recalled. “‘The Unknown is an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls.'”

One image of another actor has gone viral as “Meth Lab Oompa Loompa.”

The clearly AI-generated script also predicted how the audience would react. “Members engage with interactive flowers, offering compliments, to which the flowers respond with pre-recorded, whimsical thank-yous,” the script reads.

Of course, none of that happened.

What the computer did not foresee was that police were called to the venue after furious families complained about the event that left children in tears and was abruptly cancelled midway through.

In a statement, House of Illuminati apologized to customers writing, “Unfortunately, last minute we were let down in many areas of our event and tried our best to continue on and push through and now realize we probably should have cancelled first thing this morning instead.”

The organizers confirmed that full refunds would be given to customers, which could take up to 10 days. But as of this reporting, the actors had still not been paid.

House of Illuminati is being run by Billy Coull, who has self-published 17 books on Amazon that were most likely generated by AI as well.

As Rolling Stone reports, Coull has since scrubbed many of his social media accounts, including a YouTube and LinkedIn profile, where he presents himself as a business-savvy life coach.

Making light of his terrible experience, actor Connell joked, that it was “a world of imagination in that you had to imagine it was not a dirty warehouse.”

The Guardian: Wonka Experience Was “Farce”

Futurism: Wonka Script AI Generated



Buck Naked Ambition

If you’d rather listen to this story, check out this episode of the podcast. 1981. Although it was fall, it felt like winter

Gen X vs. Millennials

First, Will, Kat and Jon discuss current 1980s news including: 1981’s Wizardy is getting a digital makeover 1984’s Transformers coming to theaters